I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
