for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
