I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
