420 ftw
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
