i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
