Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
