How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
