my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
