I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
