george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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