The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
