In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
