we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
