Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
