I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
