Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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