I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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