My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
