Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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