I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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