omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
