Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
