My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
