I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
