Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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