omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
