i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just forgot I was standing up.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
