I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
