Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
