I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
