i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so let's talk penis.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
