Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
