i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
