Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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