I can't watch pbs sober anymore
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
