her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
