We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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