Your mouth is God's brothel.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
