You work out of a Hotel?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
