we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm like, not good at living.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
