Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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