don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
