I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
