do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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