Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They should really pass out barf bags in church
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
