dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
