Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
