why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
