After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
