i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
