why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
