when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
