I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
