I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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