Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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