the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
