I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
