Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
