Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
